Consume as many bran muffins as you are able to inhale in the span of time it takes you to read the linked article. Prepare for greatness.
Mental Health Break: Kutiman, The Mother of All Funk Chords. We defy you to listen without smiling.
Like a Fail Blog for biomedical research articles. If you can’t find the germ of a story idea squirming around on the hilarious petri dish that is NCBI ROFL, you just aren’t trying.
Tools of the Trade, on tap edition (image via Futility Closet)
This is a DOUBLEPLUSGOOD article. Please enjoy it and excuse our absence as we depart to have some victory gin and strangle a prole.
And now a MWP mental health break from our sponsor, Wilkins Coffee: Wilkins Coffee—drink it! Or else… (via theduty)
The Great American Novel is one syringe away. Tragically, we are unable to benefit from this chemical breakthrough due to a lifelong aversion to sharp things and acne. Sigh.
Hamlet’s “to be or not to be” soliloquy, rendered in Newspeak by J.A. Lindon:
Person or unperson. Query.
Unbellyfeel Ingsoc, oldthink, ownthink,
(PLUSUNGOOD THOUGHTCRIME. PENALTY: UNLIFE)
Or Ingsoc foolthink doubleplusungood
Own unlife bellyfeel, make self unlifer,
Unperson, unofficial. (PENALTY: JOYCAMP)
Only unwake: become unlifer. (FOOLTHINK)
Unwake, and thusby unperform our Ingsoc duty
(GOODWISE NOTE: BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU)
Seems goodthink (DOUBLEPLUSUNGOOD THOUGHTCRIME).
Unwake: become unlifer.
Unwake — ungoodwise dream (PLUS-CERTAINFUL
SELF-BRINGED RESULT) –
Yes, there is the unsmoothness –
Correctful treatment in the Miniluv,
Post fail-maked self unlifer with a cord,
Is allsuch stopful — yes, there is the reason
We still goodwise perform our Ingsoc duty
Until we’re vaporized, although (CRIMETHINK)
Unbellyfeeling Ingsoc and Big Brother,
The Junior Anti-Sex League, rationed goods,
Sternness of Inner Party and its just
And ungood “watch and query” note on us,
We seemcould oldthink “free” perhaps become
With a bigneedle. (FOOLTHINK) Who would work,
Prolewise and sweatful, doubleplusunfresh,
For Ingsoc if he bellyfeeled to know
Correctful treatment in the Miniluv
That joyful place from which so few return,
And those how bigwise changed? Plusgooderwise
We live goodthinkful til some Spy reports us,
For IGNORANCE is STRENGTH, FREEDOM is SLAVERY,
And WAR (against the Party) brings NO PEACE
Inside the Miniluv till we become
Unpersons (now OFFICIAL). But unhard!
The clingful and face-crimewise-good-to-see
Ophelia! Joysexful girl, forget
My many faults in your Two Minutes Hate!
(via Futility Closet)
We get the impression that the author of this article is not entirely joking. Or perhaps we’re just projecting. Read. Laugh. Repeat as needed.
![The Importance of Editing, Neon edition
[We find the glowing green ATM sign a charming addition to the photo’s overall composition and message.]](http://17.media.tumblr.com/kolG1nFQIon0rigjDJ41zvLMo1_500.jpg)
The Importance of Editing, Neon edition
[We find the glowing green ATM sign a charming addition to the photo’s overall composition and message.]
We find the inherent separation of journalists from writers in the linked article disheartening—do we not all worship at the same altar of ABC? Are the grammatical rules of the journalists really so different from our own? Can’t we all just get along?
